Having experienced deep and long-lasting grief over the seven long years that my dad had Alzheimer's and eventually died, you would think I would have myself pegged as some kind of a grief expert. I am an expert in my own grief as I had lots of time to get used to it, but for me grief is very personal and how we deal with it needs to be personal and not a one size fits all approach. As a therapist I absolutely can help people to overcome their grief, but it all comes from within them, and I do not have a book of rules to follow to make you feel better. I do have hypnotherapy techniques that help, and this did help me. You may like me read articles on the stages of grief and think about where you are up to in the grieving process and a huge wave can take a sideways swipe at any time setting you back again. The best advice that I had was to let yourself feel whatever comes up for you and think of it as waves that you are riding. You may have felt great for a few days and then feel irrationally guilty for feeling good and laughing. I would always imagine how much my dad liked it when I found something funny and thought about how he would like it if I was laughing again.
Emotions are healthy and allowing your emotions to flow is ultimately good for the whole grieving process. If you are reading this and grieving the loss of a loved one, I want you to know that the cliche time heals and you will feel better with time is true. I want you also to know that I used to feel irritated by that cliche and by most "helpful" comments that people gave me. People are giving you advice as people like to try and fix problems but there is no fixing this for you. You have to go with it and feel it, cry if you can as this really helps and give yourself time as it will take as long as it takes for you to feel better. When you do feel better it does not mean that you love them any less or that you have forgotten them, it means that you are learning to adjust to living without them. Therapy, learning, good sleep, exercise, getting outdoors in nature all really help. I found that reading and learning really helped me. I read lots of afterlife stories and near-death experience books to give me hope that he was somewhere else. Do what works for you as you have never been more important than you are right now. Put yourself first and consider your feelings and mental wellbeing at the forefront of everything that you do. This loss that you are dealing with can be the very thing that defines the path you now take in life. I became a Rapid Transformational Therapist and qualified with many great wellbeing qualifications due to how I decided to heal from the grief that I was feeling. Use this time to invest in your wellbeing and be kind to yourself. People will often be a bit awkward around you when you are grieving, and they may get it wrong and say the wrong thing. They are trying to be helpful and probably do care but be prepared for bizarre comments. My favourite was "there is always somebody else worse off than you." Good luck with your grief one day we all feel grief as the result of the great love that we have had in our lives. The price that we pay for love is grief. Be patient with yourself, love and light Lisa
